Next time, I promise.

Priya D'Silva

My feet ache, knees scraped,
It’s a new day I say to myself, as I struggle out of the void again.
The sun hurts my eyes, the wind wails an eerie opera
The world seems unhappy to see me again.

It’s never smiled at me before, why should it now?
The sunflower fields turn their face away as I pass..
The breeze carries mocking whispers to my ears..

A thought staggers at the back of my head
Maybe this isn’t real
Maybe it’s the hatred that lives deep in my soul.

I drag myself forward, eager to please
I find myself failing again. “The world is cruel!” a voice in my head says.
“Poor you, how sad. It’s not your fault, it’s not in your head!”.

My legs start carrying me backward, closer and closer to the void.
Warmth grips me. I’ve felt this before. It’s like a comfort, an ease.
I turn to look into the void, as a smile crosses my face..

I step into it’s calming darkness, as it takes a little more of my soul,
I’ll try harder next time.
But for now, I’m home.