lioness
So it started out as a fleeting thought
Slowly, gradually
It became an obsessive daydream
Obsessive, maybe not
But definitely frequent and I daresay, comforting
As time progressed, it was repressed
Forgotten
Or just tucked away somewhere amongst those many fanciful fantasies
So when maybe it did come knocking
I did not think it enough to grab
It came too unexpected, almost too easy
It came at a time, where I wasn't being cradled by it anymore
So anyway, it stayed
The fantasy that I had sown
That began to grow too
Now all this took form somewhere in my head , without my knowledge
And it kept branching wider
And here I was, sidestepping it
Avoiding it
Rejecting it
Almost on purpose
Painfully like habit
And essentially like routine
Its disturbing to admit
But in my rejection, repeatedly, somewhere I had accepted it
My fantasy had let me know
What my mind had decided to base my story on
Or atleast my ever imagined happily ever after
I was made party to that fairytale that I had weaved subconsciously,
But now that what I had secretly, probably, always wanted
Was drifting apart
So apart
That the only comfort is
The enormity of the distance between us
My solace is how I can't scale it
Even if I tried
That last saving grace still,
Is me telling myself
Had that dream really been the one to materialise
It would have been out there
Ruling my life
Not a web I weaved while I got on with everything else that seemed more real, more important
Oh how I console myself saying destiny has decided against it
Maybe because I have to dream better dreams
I have to learn to recognise them
I have to learn to be clear enough, when a dream walks by this close, I Dont let it do that
I don't let it walk by