A near miss

lioness

So it started out as a fleeting thought
Slowly, gradually 
It became an obsessive daydream 
Obsessive,  maybe not 
But definitely frequent and I daresay,  comforting 
As time progressed,  it was repressed 
Forgotten 
Or just tucked away somewhere amongst those many fanciful fantasies 
So when maybe it did come knocking 
I did not think it enough to grab 
It came too unexpected,  almost too easy 
It came at a time,  where I wasn't being cradled by it anymore 
So anyway,  it stayed 
The fantasy that I had sown 
That began to grow too 
Now all this took form somewhere in my head , without my knowledge
And it kept branching wider 
And here I was,  sidestepping it 
Avoiding it 
Rejecting it 
Almost on purpose 
Painfully like habit 
And essentially like routine 
Its disturbing to admit 
But in my rejection,  repeatedly,  somewhere I had accepted it 
My fantasy had let me know 
What my mind had decided to base my story on 
Or atleast my ever imagined happily ever after 
I was made party to that fairytale that I had weaved subconsciously,  
But now that what I had secretly,  probably, always wanted 
Was drifting apart 
So apart 
That the only comfort is
The enormity of the distance between us 
My solace is how I can't scale it 
Even if I tried 
That last saving grace still,  
Is me telling myself 
Had that dream really been the one to materialise 
It would have been out there 
Ruling my life 
Not a web I weaved while I got on with everything else that seemed more real,  more important 
Oh how I console myself saying destiny has decided against it
Maybe because I have to dream better dreams 
I have to learn to recognise them 
I have to learn to be clear enough,  when a dream walks by this close,  I Dont let it do that 
I don't let it walk by 

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