By Abhijit Shankaran
The adult body carries a
a 4-year-old wounded inner child
“Fight or Flight” helps the body survive trauma
The child could do neither and simply “Froze”
The wounded inner child was conditioned to
think, feel and believe a set of narratives-
“I am not good enough”
“I am good for nothing”
“I am below par”
“I am way too slow”
“I am a loser”
“I am a coward”
“I am not talented enough”
“I don’t understand how the world works”
“I should be ashamed of my existence”
“Everything is my fault”
As the wounded inner child set forth into teenhood
He carried the mental filters of a wounded inner child
Parroting the same behaviour he was conditioned by
Little did he know he was merely parroting
his individuality was crushed by a personality that he was never
Somewhere within he knew he was taken for a ride
But he was conditioned to feel shameful
The wounded inner child didn’t know what choice meant
He distanced himself from many
He reached out to a few
He didn’t mean to hurt anybody
He was acting out of scorching pain
More narratives reinforced the older ones
“You have to do so and so to be so and so”
“You are not as good as so and so in so and so”
further cementing the belief that who he was, wasn’t enough
And it reinforced a void he didn’t create
but one he set out to fill for years to come
As the wounded inner child set forth into adulthood
he continued to struggle with not knowing who he is
Simply because he has had to explain himself
over and over and over and over
His sensitivity continues to be considered a weakness
His compassion can’t compete with worldly expectations
Only to be shamed
“It’s in the past, let go”
“It doesn’t matter anymore”
He felt naked and stripped
every time he spoke about what he had gone through
Told that he shouldn’t feel the way he did
To have his pain denied and shame reinforced
Those who said they cared,
washed their hands away and said
“Only you can heal yourself”
“Everybody has problems”
“The issue is with how you think”
“Change your attitude to life”
“God solves everything”
When he asks for love, he gets indifference
When he asks for acceptance, people walk away
When he asks for consistency of support, people don’t have time
When he talks about ending his life, he is given ill advice
When he seeks help, he is abandoned and cast aside
When he talks, people pretend not to acknowledge his presence
He has never, not tried asking for help
Has he been listened to?
Has he been embraced?
Has he been told it was going to be okay?
Has he been told he is loved no matter what?
Has he been told help is on its way?
Has he been told he will be accepted unconditionally?
Well, nobody has the time
Everybody is making a living
and so the inner child has had to harden in anger
and convince himself of gratitude that some people
showed pity on him and listened to him talk a few times
and in their own words & actions spared their “precious time”
As the wounded inner child attempts to express itself
Through this poem
It knows few will make it to this stanza
It knows many may have zoned out
It knows many have closed the book
It knows many judges this to be a rant
Very likely he will still fail to be seen
The inner child battles shame within
“Stupid attention seeker” he hears the shame screaming.
All the child needs is love
yet he doesn’t have a frame of reference for what it’s like
What is it like to be accepted?
What is it like to have consistent support?
Because inside him
he oscillates between fear, shame and anger
Fear throws the ball
Shame fails to catch it
Anger screams at shame for being too slow
The cycle repeats
Heartfully written Abhijith. One doesn’t always look for answers. Beautiful.
The cycle repeats 😏
This is beautiful! I cried a little at the end <3
When one reads, one can relate to the emotions or even better visualize! That’s such a powerful & an emotional write ✍🏽!!
Beautiful and a wonderful portrayal of raw emotions.
The traumatic journey of the inner child captured and highlighted in such a impactful way … you are a champion Abhijith
Such a succinct portrayal of poignant emotions of the unheard inner child.
Excellent .
This is amazing and so well articulated. People use canvasses to paint pictures and in your case you have used this poem to paint a picture of your inner child.
It almost feels strange to comment ‘beautiful or amazing’ because I know that it’s not just a poem. It’s very well written and expresses emotions that are very hard to do so. Especially was moved by the last para. 💕
This piece is so relatable & powerful. It takes so much courage to pen down such raw emotions. Very well written ✨❤️
Heartwarming expression of raw emotions. Excellent way of narrating what one has gone through. Thank you for being so honest. Wishing you all the best in life:)
Really powerful verses. Conveys human emotions that can’t be seen and gives it a physical embodiment to visualise. Inspiring stuff
what a beautiful write! i’m in awe of how emotions can be expressed this flawlessly by someone
Awesome! Can relate to it
this was an incredible read. absolutely love how it shows the raw nature of humans
This is what unbridled vulnerability reads like at its rawest. Hats off to the poet who had the courage to endure & the strength to transmute his torment into a work of art with the capacity to make its readers feel seen; and in doing so healing them as he heals himself.
The poem is incredibly powerful. It’s a raw and honest look at the pain of carrying past hurts. The poet’s ability to express such deep emotions is truly moving👏👏. It’s a reminder that we all carry our struggles, and it’s important to be kind and understanding towards others.😅 Good one, bro👌✨️