BY MALLIKA CHANDRASEKHAR
We are masters
at keeping secrets
training ourselves
to be socially acceptable, confident
while hiding our fears
camouflaging despair
masking pain
Our minds are quick learners
our hearts too
but the body keeps score
of every loss
every painful experience
every deceit and despair
We assert we’re okay
but we’re far from fine
living with negativity, manipulation
toxic behaviors aimed to harm and hurt
The body keeps score
of every slight, sly intent
every disparaging remark
We fake smiles
feign ignorance
not wanting to cause a stir
not wanting to expose abusers
or increase our discomfort
So we stay
Silent, subversive
outwardly unaffected
believing we’ve mastered
the art of disguise
unaware that the body keeps score
It stores
the pain, the loss, the grief, the disappointments
the despair, the sarcasm, the lies
the false promises, the evil intents, the selfish motives
The body keeps score
in every nerve, cell, vein, muscle
in every organ, tissue, bone, artery
until it can no longer
bear the weight
It breaks down, weakens
becomes diseased
with a compromised immunity
Lying in the hospital bed
with wires, monitors, and machines
we wonder how we got here
how it became this bad
We don’t understand
the burden we place on the body
because we were so busy
succumbing to norms, following rules
concerned about pleasing others
while storing pain, dysphoria
Our bodies keep score
Paying the ultimate price
of being unwitting participants
in a world filled with
violence and vicious intent.