Stress cannot be public

By Prisha Pande 

My mind is numb, completely and utterly numb
My eyes search and yearn for hope
But I am blinded by the over-consuming nature of my habitat
I am breaking,
It's a slow process, but it's more painful and scaring
I am breaking,
Into molecules and atoms and dissolving into cosmic reality
But realisation is not what people around me see and it's not what I expect either
Because stress can't be public
It's more than an internal battle, it's a war
And this war,
It's between me and everything existing around me
It's the bloodshed of thoughts and emotions
It's the absolute murder of passion and ambition
It's the slowly stopping breath of hope
But still stress can't be public
I devour panic as it dominates me completely
Every time it reaches my throat I swallow it
Tears threaten to fall and some even do
But they are invisible to everyone but me
I smile forcefully and then plaster it onto my face
I disappear into a facade of joy, act of joy, nonexistent joy
They say what do you have to stress about
They say you are a kid, you don't understand the complexities of the word
Maybe I do, Maybe I don't
But I am at war right now, I am on that very battlefield
I am overwhelmed
I am bruised
I am shattered
I am tattered
And I am losing
But I can't call for help,
Not because nobody will come
But because Stress can't be public