On a February afternoon
I lied on on the terrace
With jazz playing on my phone
And my head swirling along .
Soaking the sun
Feeling the cold winds juggling to snatch the warmth off my skin
I was in peace after long.
And forever that day will remain the best of my day
A day I will look back all my life upon
I wasn't in a momentary snowflake kind of happiness
But in a deep content
Of realization that the life
that I had thrown in some
corner of an old dusty attic
Had been returned to me
Wrapped up in a muslin bag
Adorned with the best of the jewels and tied with a golden thread.
A day before,
I had been fired
Or maybe it was me who had quit.
I am not sure what it was
But I had let go of it -
Into the job I had jumped
Half and a year back.
It was a quick fix
To a heartbreak that was recent ;
Computer screen an aid for the incessant thoughts
And the files a cure to the aching heart.
The term healing was an alien
& the quick fix initially worked quite well.
I drifted into the workplace
As a turtle in his shell ;
No leaves,
No excuses,
Extended stay backs,
Added responsibilities
I embraced it all
But then,
the piles of the files went upsurging
day by day
and the deadlines became more frequent.
And soon it all messed up
'A half heart fulfills nothing'
But too late was I to realise.
Life narrowed down to the honking of morning cab
To late stay backs
And eventually when I would return home
I would get back to sleep
Not a kind of deep sleep
But a kind of slumber where I could hear
People calling me
The notifications ringing on my phone
But I would not respond
I would pretend to be asleep
& would shout if anyone tried to wake me up.
People scared me
And more than them
The fact that they knew that something was wrong
Made me anxious
I had always been wary of advices
I had grown up monitoring my emotions well
'An expert in faking smiles'
Being vulnerable of my weakness was never my cup of tea
All of them were hurled in some corner under the bed to keep them hidden
But I was in a mid of professional affair
And too stubborn to accept my limits
I gave whatever was left off
I let my Sundays get stuffed with phone calls and extra works
And my days filled with innecessant sitting in front of computer
With tea after tea
But in return the insults and scoldings kept
stacking up
With a bid on my soul
Until I choked up
And broke down
Not somewhere else but
In the official meet-up hall
And all they could come up with as a solution
Was to ask me to leave if I want
And maybe that was the
best that I ever could have asked
Lying next day on the mattress
I embraced all that I had hurled since long
The solace
The silence
The peace
And the life that came along.
It is important to love the work you do . To be happy . Good one 👌