Sangsthita Roy Sangsthita
"Can you leave me ?"
I held myself tightly , woke up from the floor and was trying hard to reach to my bed ,
My rooms a mess ,
My mind's drowning into your thoughts but couldn't relate to how I ended up on this place and why I was crying?
I had everything ,
A posh flat in the heart of the city ,
All the dreams , I fulfilled was just because I wanted to travel away from my family full of hypocritical expectations ,
It's raining outside , just like there are rain drops in my mind too ,
I could watch the drops racing at the window shield,
My clothes , I kept for drying are rather getting wet on this monotonous day ,
I could see see a black cat on the black worn out wall ,
There's a tob filled with mosses and ferns ,
I engraved your names on my collar bones ,
And chanted it with pride ,
I picked you up from the Shop beside my college gate ,
I was anxious but slowly and slowly , this all became an addiction ,
An addiction which could kill my little lungs and scratch my rock heart,
I am a born masochist with no destination ,
I was called nondescript behind my back by some harsh voices cause I picked you up instead of them ,
But what could I do , tell me?
What could I ?
I hear boys touching my friends back at a crowded metro and I could do nothing just saw what was happening,
My mouth becomes a grave ,
Everything is happening because of me , I blamed myself ,
But I can't leave you ,
No matter what ,
I saw him out of tuition once ,
Black shirts with divergent in one hand ,
He was staring back at me ,
We are standing the rain at that time
And it's still raining now after he left me ,
But the peace became inconsistent,
Without him I was devastated ,
And without you , I am a corpse lying in void streets ,
These four years have been tough , real shit happened to me , yet I survived any how ,
After making out I would always find a way to you ,
I saw your fume particles heavily sitting on my rough face and unkept hairs,
You a decor on my fingers ,
Gold rings would faint in front of you ,
But anyone hardly know , you are important to my gipsy soul dusted, old rather wrinkled under dead moonlit nights on rooftops with a glass of wine.
I sprinkle your ashes on my memoirs to get faded away with time ,
I hold you ,
I can't leave you alone,
No matter what you will reciprocate to me,
On hot days , I watch my sweats perfectly falling from the back of my ears and mixing with your existence in my lips ,
I kiss you how much I can
As if the dawn will break , but, I won't stop ,
My ballads are incomplete without you ,
You are metaphors sculpted in temples and shrines,
You are like the black berry hanging and falling when someone tries to ,
I hold onto your thoughts,
You gave me a parallel universe to be into and travel without visa,
Will you stay ?
Will you stay after I return from an exhausted day?
I would still play hide and seek with you , my dear lover and best friend in disguise,
Suddenly there's a long silence ,
There's probably someone knocking on doors for my parcel,
But I am already in a state of nothing ,
A nothing with everything,
An everything with thousand of thoughts ,
And thousand of thoughts with broken pieces of my poetry,
My poetry isn't pretty without you,
So just don't go away ,
Stay here , right in my arms as for today ,
My heart will always go in your direction no matter how much I ignore you , throw you ,
The world's still a shit , and it was one,
But I know you weren't one ,
All this , I said to the half burnt cigar perfectly aligned on my long ring finger and burning down till my spine and breaking soft rib cages .